I don't feel good!

hello 2011

hmmm..... i know i'm a bit late to say hi to 2011 as now it's already 2nd if Jan but who cares? i just suddenly have feel to say something here. xD

it's 2011 and i'm going to 20years old SOON, very soon, no longer a teenage. i shouldn't be so childish dy. i should have think of future. yes, i did think about it long long time ago but now, i should start to fight for my dream. perhaps, it's not so BIG, but still it's MY DREAM. I will try my very best to achieve it. :D i should DARE TO DREAM, no matter how many time things had disappointed me.

look back these 20years, did i do anything that proud? NO! what a sad thing uh. but i had learned a lot in 2010, and it will helps me in the future. i must bear in mind that all these lessons, i believe that all of these happen will affect my future.

whatever, 2010 is gone. 2011 just start. remember the happy memories and bear in mind the lessons, do the best in this year and fight for my future. nobody will help you except yourself because it is your future. you should responsibility of it.

last but not least,

Hello 2011, i will make you as my starting point of my future. Work hard babeh!! :)

很想

好久好久,
也不是很久
反正就是這件事情之後, 有一段日子我都沒有這樣哭過了

我不知道為什麼這次哭得這麼厲害, 但就是控制不住眼淚,
拼了命似的一只留不停

腦海中想到的很多很多:

想到飽死撐死;

想到離開;

想到以後再也不要幻想;

想到不要在安排這麼多安排;

想到以後想做什麼就直接去做, 不要再等了;

想到沒有以後了;

想到再也沒有了, 完了;





想到一個很遠很遠的地方, 不想再回來了..............

如果我不在了, 要好好保重

你說,

飽死

撐死

餓死

還是
死在手術台

最好?


我說,
飽死最好. 不會整天出來找食物

最糟糕就是
哭死, 傷心死

I don't feel good

I don't feel good, i just don't feeling good! It's alright, maybe just my emotion problem. Sometimes, i just do not know what should i do anymore at this moment. Do i really need a hug? or stay alone? is it I think too much? i don't know. i'm very confuse right now. about everything. I don't know how to express and i don't know what i want.

I'm tired, tired of everything. Sometimes just wish that i could rest in peace.


Pride or Love?= Leave or Stay?
當你很愛一個人的時候, 並不會想到面子問題. 你會想盡辦法愛他,把他留在身邊, 已經沒有所謂的尊嚴可談. 不是嗎?
If you don't know my silent you won't know my words.

Words

Sometimes
you just cant tell anybody how you really feel.
It is not because you dont know why,
not because you dont know your purpose,
not because you dont trust them,
it's just because you cant find the right words to make them understand.

Sometimes
you just lack of words to express out your feeling that deep inside your heart,
and
it make you become quiet.

一封屬於自己的信 / 心

長大了都會改變

最近就很像改變一下自己, 我說的不是外表, 是內在

每天很多事情發生在自己的身上/身邊, 聽了很多別人的意見, 看透了很多也學了很多

真的有必要修改自己, 年紀越來越大, 圍繞自己的世界也越來越複雜, 已經不能再像以前當小女孩的時候那樣單純了.

很多人, 事,物都不能單單用眼睛去看, 很多東西都需要考慮, 否則就恨錯難返了.

面對不同的世界, 不同的人, 做的東西都不一樣.

現在的每一個決定, 每一個動作甚至每一句話都需要經過思考才可以表達, 否則後果不堪設想

很多時候, 當人在高興時, 往往都會得意忘形, 一時衝動而說了或者做了很多不該做的東西, 有的時候導致別人的誤會, 樂極生悲

而我本身就是這種人. 通常都不會想那麼多, 腦子裡想到的, 都會去做去說, 這樣是很吃虧的

這一套對現在來說, 已經行不通了. 只會造成很多問題和煩惱

雖然我了解這些, 但是我不是醬的一個人, 我太衝動了, 並不習慣三思而後行, 我指的事言行舉止方面, 從以前我就覺得這沒什麼問題啊

就只是隨便的說笑, 但其實這是很重要的, 就算是在朋友面前. 以前我只認為言行舉止只有在面對上司或是談生意的時候需要謹慎,

但其實不管面對誰都需要謹慎, 不然你想表達的意思都會被人誤解.想不到大了才懂這個道理, 哈哈

說出來很容易吧, 現在就是要考驗我是否能改進這一點的時候了. 每次想要改進什麼, 但每次都不成功, 往往情緒都比理智來得快, 需要一點時間吧, 我告訴自己, 我會努力的! 要加油喔, 我知道你會陪我度過的, 對吧?: )

Again.

SORRY!! my mistake, my words, i just too impulse. always act like this. i'm so ridiculous that always hurt the one i love and make him sad. he always said it's his fault that make me cry, but actually, i am the one who make myself cry and make you feel so sad.

you said you want to improve to become a better man, i should also stop be impetuous and say out something that hurts without thinking. i always act like this, i'm so wrong. sorry baby, i just dont know how to control my emotion and my mouth. i will learn this mistake and change myself.

you said when you saw me cried you feel so sad and crying inside. but when i heard you said yourself useless that always make me cry, i feel so guilty and sad also. baby, you are not useless you know? you are the best i ever meet. you do make me laugh and happy always, sometimes really me, myself make me cry. everyone have their own attitude problem, so do us. but i believe and i have 100% confident that both of us can improve ourselves and become a better one for each other. i have confident and i trust that we will become better and better, these argument will not affect our relationship but will help us to improve, right?

baby, you are so mean to me, i really need you badly because i really love you very much. i can't imagine the day you leave me, the day i going to lose you. maybe we being together not that long, but we know each other for some time, and my feeling towards you also not start from this few weeks, it's been a long time, maybe it's start few weeks after we've been so close. i really could not imagine how my world will turn into when i lose you, baby.

i'm so scare that i will going to lose you, i'm so scare that you will give up. baby, promise me, don't give up on me, don't leave me. i promise i will try my best to change everything that is bad. i will think before i want to say something, i will always care about you like you do. i trust and i believe, 100% of confident on our relationship and also on ourselves that we could make it better.

BABY, I LOVE YOU!

Feeling~

I just don't know why, but i told myself, repeat and repeat the same sentence whenever i face this problem. at first, it's hard to do so. but i think, time pass time, i will used to it and maybe a "professional" of solving this kind of problem? who knows.haha. i feel better now, compare to last few times, seriously. i starting used to it, perhaps. and i hope so. because it's just a small silly things that i shouldn't spend too much time and energy on such things. it's useless and and not going to hurt myself on those silly things. so i'm here to remind myself AGAIN:

CARE LESSER AND YOU WILL FOUND HAPPINESS. : )

Assignment

i was so helpless.): and i hate you!

asking hotel's student to design billboard, brochure and poster.what a fucking jokes?if i know how to design, then i already go for design school.== and i wonder is there any related to principal of management??! i'm so not understand. or you just mood swing and simply gave us a title?

i hate design,drawing all about seni things since i was young. my seni marks always the lowest among all the subject. i studied commerce and account since i was young so now you expect me to design?GOD, you just jokes with me right?==

i just hate design. and i hate you, fucking bitch.

Girls

有一种女孩子在陌生人面前会很安静，很冷漠，

在熟人面前却很放肆，很霸道，
并喜欢一咋一呼的说：“滚，滚蛋，坏蛋，笨蛋”。
不要认为她很粗鲁，她只是很单纯的认为，
大家打打闹闹，骂骂笑笑，表示更亲切，更不分你我。...

这一种女孩子偶尔看到街上的情侣时，
也会幻想，也会羡慕，
幻想着将来自己的恋爱
该是多么的帅气，多么的温柔，多么的甜蜜

这一种女孩子，
喜欢和自己的姐妹在一起打闹，大呼小叫。
即使没有男朋友，
在她的世界里，也有她的骄傲！

这种女孩子也会偶尔的忧郁，
朋友问她怎么了 她也只会说没事
其实她只是感觉累了，
她只是需要一个拥抱。

这样的女孩子恋爱的时候
喜欢大事听男孩子的而在小事上调皮，耍赖。
不要认为她太小气，蛮不讲理，
其实在她调皮的习惯里已经为你收敛不少！

这样的女孩子不允许男孩子的背叛，
如果男孩子真的办了对不起她的事，
她一定会狠心的离开你。
不要怪她太绝情，
她其实很爱你，但是卑微的爱情她不要，
她果断的转身只是不想让你看见她滑落的泪水！

这样的女孩子失恋的时候会在别人面前装的很好，
大声的笑，放声的闹。
当姐妹心疼的说：“你没事吧？”
她会放下她所有的骄傲，趴到姐妹怀里哭。
哭完了，苦笑一声：没想到我还会为一个男的哭。

若她喜欢上你，请你不要在她的世界里消失。
她没有更多的要求，不会打扰你的生活。
她只是想静静的看着你，
当你的观众，仅此而已。

如果你们已经在一起了，
请你好好珍惜她。
这样的女孩子、太傻，
请你别让她受伤。

一個人久了, 是會上癮的

一個人久了，會懶得戀愛

一個人久了，朋友會越重要

一個人久了，會越來越喜歡聽歌

一個人久了，電話會常常忘記帶

一個人久了，就會養成一個怪癖

一個人久了，對愛情會越來越挑剔

一個人久了，除了寂寞點外還是蠻開心的

一個人久了，會慢慢變得成熟起來

一個人久了，會比以前更重視更愛父母，更重視親情

一個人久了，對所有的節日大多沒甚麼期待

一個人久了，聽到看到別人一對對的很甜蜜，心裡多少還是會有些介意

一個人久了，會喜歡買很多無謂東西，帶自己去很多很遠的地方

一個人久了，會覺得無拘無束自由自在天寬地廣

一個人久了，愛情會變得越來越不重要，取而代之的是錢和事業

一個人久了，會越來越理性，越來越現實

總之，一個人久了，是很幸福的時光...

即使有一點點無聊和寂寞

但是游走在自己的街道上

甚麼都可以無所謂 沒有任何束縛

可是原來

一個人久了，是會上癮的.....

然而,

一個人久了, 會開始忘記被抱在懷裡的幸福和溫暖;

一個人久了, 會忘了生病時被細心照顧的滋味;

一個人久了, 會忘了嘴唇和嘴唇觸碰的感覺;

一個人久了, 會忘了付出的意義;

一個人久了, 也會忘了愛人與被愛的感受;

一個人久了, 甚至會開始慢慢忘記兩個人幸福的味道....

(:

I learn this sentence today, and i love it.(:

believe in who you are,not what you wear.

FML!

when i listen to DOWN by Jay Sean it's nothing affect me but the piano version make me super duper down and want to cry though i love piano, i like people who know how to play piano.:)

"Baby don't worry,you're my only,you won't be lonely,even if the sky is falling down; you'll be my only,no need to worry....." if someone can tell me so with sincere and love me the way i are, love me for who i am.

Love is like heaven but can hurt like hell!

FML! i have nothing at the end.

My fault.

i'm a bad girl so don't trust me. (: i'm not good enough to get a good boy,that's why every good boy leave me alone here. FML! i play hard, perhaps i don't even know how to love a person and how to let them love me. it's all my fault, i get all this retribution. i will kind, but i won't stop until the guy is mine; but, i can't stop even he want to be mine.): so i won't blame anyone though i need to introspection.
perhaps i love myself. so i get to face this loneliness.i don't even know how to love people. i'm still a stupid young chick, not mature enough to get love by people.

i play hard thought i will be fine but i'm so lonely at the time. :(

FML!

fuck off the loneliness!

FML!♥

fuck off the loneliness & play

HARD!

I already don't know what am i doing and i don't know who am i. i feel that i no longer the Joyce. who am i?

D.E.V.I.L.

yes, i am devil! i feel that i'm so bad!! i don't know what to do sometimes. i feel that i don't want to continue like this, but i just can't stop myself for being like this.

GOOD GIRL GONE BAD!

Grow.

i'm going to 19years old in around 2 months. getting older and older. suddenly feel that i dont want to grow up. i miss the past. miss my childhood. miss those moment when i was young; when i was a primary student; when i was form 1,form 2 & form 3. when i was the age, all things are so simple.all people are so naive and innocent. laugh everyday and nothing to worry. sometimes i don't like now.it's so complicated. we grow up, need to think a lot. force ourselves to choose something.

we can't ever get 2things in the same time.even though we have them, but it won't last longer. we can't maintain, one or both you will lost at the end. this the fact, we need to force ourselves to accept it, but, it's really hard to choose;to make decision. this is so called life. we need to choose or make decision everyday on everything. this is part of the disadvantage when we grow up. when we were young, we don't need to choose while people will choose for us. but, that time, we will blame them that why choose for us?we want to choose ourselves.see, human are so complicated.

when we grow up, we have a lot of things to busy with. friends will not getting closer like last time. we will only come out when we are free but it's hard to arrange. when we grow up, we have to learn be independent. we have learn to take care ourselves. it's no longer like last time that every moment have people beside you; hug you when you fall down; feed you when hungry; coax you when you cry.


you have to walk alone when nobody comes with you. sometimes, i feel lonely. i need someone to care me; to beside me when i'm sad; to coax me when i'm down; to hug me when i fall down.i don't like to walk alone, even though sometimes i said "please leave me alone." but actually i not really mean it. i need someone to come with me; i need someone to hug me and tell me" you are not alone,you have me."


I want someone to be there when I fall; I want someone to see me through it all; I want someone to hold me in my sleep; i want someone to show me what i need; i want someone to know just how down deep and all I want is YOU.

someone told me, i'm hurting myself actually. perhaps i should not care too much. i shoudn't care what others people say about me at my back unless they come to me and ADVICE me; my emotion shoudn't depends on other people, i shoudn't let people control me while i need to control my emotion myself. perhaps i should always remember this : forgive to forget. only forget every bad things will make myself happy.

there are a lot of people that may not like you, but there is also some people who truly care and help you. they are come with sincere. but, who knows who is fake and who is real? i said, follow your heart will do. but reality told me that, i always wrong. living is easy with eyes closed. once you open your eyes, you have to face a lot of things. face the reality and it's always so cruel. i like to dream and imagine. i always day dreaming and sometimes i hope that i don't need to wake up. dream and imagination always so nice. what if i can live in imagination, there will be no tears in my life, but i know it will never happen. people said, tears is to help you grow up and tell you learn from the mistake.

lastly, i want to remind: no matter how people said about you, as long as you know yourself well, change yourself from the mistake and maintain the good things. there have evils that say about your bad or trick you, but there are also angels that will help you.

JUST BE YOURSELF will do.

Last song.

林忆莲 - 伤痕

夜已深
还有什麽人
让你这样醒着数伤痕
为何临睡前会想要留一盏灯
你若不肯说
我就不问
只是你现在不得不承认
爱情有时候是一种沈沦
让人失望的虽然是恋情本身
但是不要只是因为你是女人
若爱得深
会不能平衡
为情困
折磨了灵魂
该爱就爱
该恨的就恨
要为自己保留几分
女人独有的天真
和温柔的天分
要留给真爱你的人
不管未来多苦多难
有他陪你完成
虽然爱是种责任
给要给得完整
有时爱 美在无法永恒
爱有多销魂
就有多伤人
你若勇敢爱了 就要勇敢分

i told myself, this is the last time. i promise myself that i'll forget and move forward! because i'm not loser and you are not worth for me.:)

this is the song as the ending of our story.

我可以忍受

我可以忍受
徐婕儿

我可以忍受你不够爱我
我可以忍受你有别的梦
就算是编谎话哄我
至少你还在乎我的感受
我可以忍受眼神的空洞
我可以忍受你时间不够用
却不能忍受做了那么多
是她拥有我该得到的温柔
(是她拥有我没看过的笑容)
爱着你
是我改不了也不愿改的习惯
要放开哪有那么简单
了解你
是我说不出也不承认的悲哀
包容你
是我体谅的爱也当作应该
不要说对不起
原来你要的不是我
不要说谢谢你
什么你永远在我心中
can u tell me why
这样的我-你也曾爱过
不是吗…